This may sound a little sick, but tonight I was almost looking forward to VASAP out of morbid curiosity, and did not leave unsatisfied. My classroom was a living, breathing Marlboro Ad. Just from the crowd you could pick out the people who needed to be there, and then the people who like NEEDED to be there. As one of the first there, I sat in my classroom and judged everyone who walked in. "Drugs, alcohol, drugs...alcohol, alcohol, ...Both." Except that 'both' turned out to be the instructor. We were instructed shortly thereafter to keep any feelings of disrespect or rage we felt towards him bottled up, because that's healthy. And then he shared his aspiration to work in the lawn and garden section of Home Depot when he retires. I'm not kidding. We went around the room and shared our DUI stories and arrest BAC's (blood alcohol content) after he handed us our breathalyzer tubes and went over the rules. Once again, I came out at the top of the class.

The instructor interrupted the guy on the end, who was hacking a lung into his plaid shirt, to ask his name and arrest story.

"My name's Bud. I double fist Budweisers and wrapped my car around a pole before noon."

Instructor: "What was your BAC?"

Bud: "Hell I have no idea. I don't even remember doing it."

I hope the instructor likes Bud, because they'll probably be seeing a lot more of each other. We continued around the horse-shoe, and my .195 was well higher than anyone else in the class. I felt like a celebrity. We finished the stories, and then started a group exercise where we were paired off and got to know each other. My new buddy is named Derrick, and we had a surprising amount in common, namely getting drunk at TOTS on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. It's pretty surprising that we haven't met. We exchanged brief stories until the instructor started again around the circle asking us to tell the group about our new friend. Eventually, it came down the line to Derrick and me.

Me: "Ok this is Derrick. He's a senior marketing major at Virginia Tech. He likes drinking at the same bars I do."

Derrick: "This is Mike. He's a graduate student and teaches a freshman engineering class. He's glad none of his students are in here."

I hadn't planned on him sharing that with the class. I slowly turned to him and said quietly, ".......Dude....."

The class ended with us taking our breathalyzer tests. To me, there's nothing better than making everyone end each class using the same device that put them there in the first place.