Today there was a seminar at 2:00 on how to identify stress in students and coping with recent events. If I could have started my car, I would have gone. Unfortunately the breathalyzer attached to it and my grieving ritual of getting drunk and playing Guitar Hero were at odds. Every month I have to go to VASAP and have a guy download the information from my breathalyzer, but I'm not sure where it goes. The latest report card is marred with some nasty secrets about Wednesday and Friday mornings, but I have a rock solid defense if questioned. I will lay Exhibit A down in front of the Judge as a pair of size XXXL overalls that belong to the "installation technician." Exhibit B? Well, just see the picture below.

The gray thing on the left is what I have to blow into every time I start my car, and is just smaller than a Ford Festiva. I keep a newspaper in my car which I like to read when people are parked facing me and I need to leave. That thing in the picture that is french kissing it and looks like it just arrived from Abu Dhabi? That's the calibration instrument. If I showed the judge this picture, and convinced him that zip-ties and postal tape were probably not installed in the factory, I'd be clear. The icing on the cake would be a picture of the "technician" scratching his eyes and squinting while he "fooled with it."

I took this VASAP enforced time out opportunity to walk and get lunch at a burger place, and make fun of my friend for working there. Sure enough, there he was on the other side of the counter bitching like someone told him he was making $5 an hour.

I got several huge handfuls of complimentary peanuts and made a huge mess on my table while I sat to wait for my food. Jadd came over in his cute little visor and apron and finished sweeping up the peanut shells in my section while we shot the shit for a few minutes. After I had extracted the necessary greek intelligence (gossip) from him and complimented him on his broomwork, I took my arm and wiped my massive pile of empty peanut shells onto the ground to remind him that I am better than him. The three people around me and I started laughing at his exasperation and exchanging high fives.

The big news of the day is that students can be done with the semester if they want to take whatever grade they have as of now. Do you realize what this means? The seniors have a month to kill before graduation, in which they will probably drink away everything they ever learned in college anyway. You know what drinking leads to; nine months from now there will be a huge wave of illegitimate children. I hope to have fathered most of them. Do you know what else this means?  I'm going to get paid for... nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  That's really not the end of the world. Time to go spend some money I didn't earn pioneering the fine drinking establishments.