Today is a day that everyone with a website hopes for. Opening my Outlook Express this morning reminded me of Christmas as a kid. Instead of the first wooden snowboard Burton ever created, I got notified of my very first hatemail. I had to put it on the site because I know none of you have ever signed, much less looked at, my guest book. So after reading Charleston I , one of the redneck boys of SC decided to leave me this gem; pure academic reading pleasure:

The teacher in me just couldn't let this travesty fly.

Besides the apparent inability to GET A JOKE, other things leapt out of this message:

1) There is a union or other organized conglomerate (that means group of things that are alike) of Rednecks in South Carolina who use the royal 'We.'

2) When a "Yankee", like myself, who was born less than 90 miles from the capital of the South, steps into Charleston, a bell or other alarm system is used to notify everyone that wealth and class have arrived. This leads to an ass kicking...

3) Rednecks actually use the phrase "kick your ass" instead of the previously thought "wallop."

4) This is proof of the difference between the Yankee and Redneck keyboards; guess what the difference is:

Still can't guess what's missing? Look at the email again, it's your hint.

ALL THE THE GRAMMAR KEYS.

A note on hatemails: I encourage them to be funny. I would love some witty emails about how stupid, gay, or unathletic I am. Add to that how poor my game is, how narcissistic I am, how I'm a computer dork, or how I'm 26 and still in school. If you really want to get under my skin, call me cheap. Throwing around the 'F' word like a middle schooler is unoriginal, unintelligent, and just doesn't bother me at all.