"They" are back... those sick degenerates that accidentally land on this website because, from what it looks like, their rodent porn got too expensive. You think I'm joking don't you. Let's just say that if I had actually pulled off catching that raccoon, it would be worth a lot of money to some really disgusting people. Here are my favorite search results that have landed on my page recently.

"Transvestite Penis Tucking"

You did say 'Tucking,' right? Ok good. So after running your fingers through her mustache and over her Adam's Apple you decided to grab that thing that looked like a dump in the back of her underwear? I hope she bent you over and gave you what you deserved.

"I gave my nephew a blowjob"

That's going to make for some pretty awkward table conversation come Christmas 15 years down the road. "Hahahah that's a great one Aunt Sally. What's even funnier is the time you blew me after my soccer game when I was 7. Can you please pass the carrots?" (As the other family members, after a long silence, bang on the table and chant "Jerry! Jerry!")

"Her name is Chastity she is white trash"

Just because her name is Chastity doesn't make her white trash. It makes her parents white trash. But living with them in the trailer next door probably doesn't help her case any.

"How to last longer when getting a handjob"

Try getting one from a girl, since it appears you've mastered the art.

"Everywhere I go all kinds of psychiatrically disturbed women come running"

That's what happens once you sleep with them. We're glad you joined us in the world of "dating."

"Raccoon Beastiality"

For Christ's sake, will you please try to be a little more normal and use a dog like the rest of us?

"Beastiality Dating"

Usually, sex with animals is done pretty informally, but every once in a while a classy guy like yourself comes along as an exception. I made some time in my busy schedule to share what I picture your magical first date with your special lady to be like.