This morning I woke up at about 10:00 to my phone ringing; it was Intern Craig. "Hey.....You coming in today?" I told him that I would be there in a minute, and promptly went back to sleep. At 11:20, I finally rolled out of bed and immediately noticed a shooting pain in my back, about 2 inches above my pelvis on my right side. Ah yes, I remember what that was from. I remember my friend pulling me up off of the train tracks I had gotten tangled up in last night after about 12 beers and a couple of double whiskey sours. It had been the last night of drinking in the Sandbox, and I had successfully completed my goal of doing it right. I flashed back to earlier in the night, when I had tried to explain, for the better part of an hour, dependents, domociles, and the art of acquiring student loans to our aspiring community college bartender.

My phone rang again twenty minutes later, but both of my hands were busy manning the two guns of Lethal Enforcer at Chucky Cheese's. I answered anyway, because it was Joe from work. My boss was out of town so he was next in the chain of command.

Joe: "Hey, I know this whole work thing is getting in the way of your drinking schedule, but time cards are due in twenty minutes and I need yours."

Me: "This phone call just made me die. You owe me a quarter."

Joe: "Are you coming in or should I just write down zero?"

Me: "Put me down for eighty hours yesterday."

Joe: "Seriously, where is your time card."

I told him how to print up my time card and Intern Craig and our IT guy came over to meet me for lunch. All you can eat pizza for $3.99; that is the definition of a 'steal'. Yes, I know it's Chucky Cheese's. It's just me and hordes of children darting around, completely possessed and hyperventilating from the bells, sirens, flashing lights, and sugar. But I've found that talking trash and beating them at arcade games is wholly satisfying. I was a little rusty at skiball after not playing in over twenty years, but beating the kid next to me by walking up the ramp, reaching under the net, and putting all of my balls in the 500 point hole to maximize ticket return made me feel good about myself, and that's all that really matters. I also learned that those ramps are a lot better at supporting a fifty pound child than a man-child pushing 200. Intern Craig was nice enough to earn me a pink plastic dolphin key chain trinket, and a sweet pair of white vampire teeth that I'm wearing as we speak. Yeah, it's getting pretty serious.

I finally rolled into the office close to 1:00. Joe walked by, looked at me, then picked up my diet coke and smelled it for liquor. I think they may be on to me, but since it's my last day of work, it's too late.