This Weekend's Experience:

I have to say that this Friday night went a lot better than the trainwrecks past. The pregame was at my date's place and started at about 6:30. I saw my first nipple at 6:55.

Woerner version II, Amy Webb, my date Leslie, her boobs, and me. *

Half an hour later my date told me, "I was about to go dateless," and it does not bother me at all that I was a last resort. I am more than happy to throw on a shirt and tie to help someone drink their beer. Once we took 3,000 pictures and drank enough alcohol, we headed over to the event venue. And drank some more. This particular sorority date party wasn't like the ones I mentioned above, it was much more in control. There were no slideshows, no microphones, and no girls visibly in need of CPR. It was different, and refreshing. Once it started to suck, we headed over to my date party.

The air was thick with the stench of drama. We made a beeline for the booze, and then gave a few hundred high fives as I did my gossip sleuthing to get into everyone's business. This particular party was somewhat nostalgic because it was the last time my remaining pledgebrothers and I would all be together, and because I have watched their entire collegiate careers from start to finish. This is right about the point where I tried to slur out every word to the song "Notorious Thugs" and my date left me.

The Final Five: Me, Shimmy, Benz, Tuttle, and Rook*

I decided to really hit the liquor and make a night of it. After about two hours of gin and country music, everyone moved downstairs to do beer slides: Where we dump most of the beer left onto the ground in the Great Room and slide around in it. When I came upon the scene I wanted no part of it because I was tired and had no clothes to ruin. I would probably slip and split my head open anyway, or one of my balls would fall out of my shorts and get crushed somehow. I went outside and talked to Juan who felt the same way. We had a good five minute talk about how immature and irresponsible everyone inside was, and upon returning into the house, one of our dreamgirls forced me to change and partake. I felt like a total hypocrite until I walked back into the room and Juan was half naked spraying beer on himself.

Juan, Garrett, Me*

It became complete madness. There is a video floating around of me smashing a beer can on my head until it erupts, as well as sliding across the floor on my stomach. Luckily, no one was manning a camera while I got my legs taken out and almost broke my arm. Brittle old bones. I have other pictures combining young ladies, extreme dampness, and t-shirts... but those aren't going online. Incidentally, our pool table is probably ruined.

This last date party was a good way to start wrapping things up here in Blacksburg. Every time I wonder what separates me from everyone else out there, I ask myself how many other 27 year olds were sliding across the floor of their fraternity house through a puddle of beer at 4am Friday night, and realize that I love my life just that much more.

*Thanks to Leslie and Jason Philbrick for the pictures