It's just barely December and things are already starting to look up for me. Let's start with my credit. At the Wendy's drive through Juan informed me smugly that my credit card was declined as he butchered my order and took my cash. I called to investigate because my credit card has never been declined in the 9 years that I've had it. Capital One and I do this little song and dance where I forget to make my payment on the right date, and they sodomize me with the finance charge and late fee. Different month, same dance.

I've had so many lost/stolen cards with them that my online username has gone from its original "name" to "name1", to "name9", and now I'm all the way up to "nameB" meaning I've had a total of 12 different accounts. So, in addition to being poorly bilingual, these customer service reps are also lost in a sea of accounts. After half an hour of being on hold while the service rep hunted and pecked the right account up, he told me that although I had made a payment one day late, my card is now suspended for five business days. Then he dropped the bomb that my balance is roughly twice my bank account. Back to giving my favorite Christmas present: Nothing.

On deck was the State of Arizona, spreading their holiday cheer with a court subpoena for December 22nd. Merry Christmas, give us three grand.

Finally, today I got a phone call from an unrecognized number. I get these about once a month; I pick it up and there's no one on the other end. After I say hello four times and start getting angry, a voice recording in Spanish starts playing and I hang up on them. So today's call went something like this:

Me: "Hello?...... Hello?......HELLO!?!?"

*pause*

Lady: (in thick Spanish accent) "Is Michael Perry there?"

I let out a disgusted exhale.

Me: "No, you've got the wrong number."

Lady: "Is this 480-XXX-XXXX?"

Me: "Yes, that's the right number but there is no one here by that name. I don't want any more calls from you, please take this number out of your records. ... Who is this anyway?"

Lady: "This is Verizon Wireless."

*awkward silence*

Lady: "So this is the right number but it does not belong to Michael Perry?"

Me: "Um..... He might be around here somewhere."

Lady: "Can you give him a message? Can you tell him his account is two months overdue, and to call us before we cut off his service?"

Me: "I'll give him the message."

Monday I get to drive up to Dayton, OH to pick up an instrument from an Airforce base and then drive back for a nice 13 hours in my car, and I am 100% sure it's not going to make it. I'm packing a tent and warm blankets. Thank God I won't have a working phone to dial for help, nor a credit card to bail myself out of trouble.

The most wonderful time of the year, every year, indeed.