There's something about putting on new shoes that has always made me smile. Today I think it was the thought of all the young Indonesian boys that had taken time out of their busy hooking schedules to keep these New Balances under $40.00. I like knowing that lots of hard work went into making whatever I buy. When I get engaged? Blood diamond. As I was telling my mom about my shiny new footcandy on the phone, she brought up a story that I definitely remember half of.

We had this shoe store in town called Stride Rite that gave pretzels to the kids to keep us under control. I remember getting my favorite pair of shoes, the blue velcro Roos. Those things were sweet. No more of that rabbit goes around the tree and down the hole bullshit with the laces. I was going to own bitches in tag at break (recess). Now my mom was a little on the cheap side, so she'd get our shoes at least two sizes too big so that we could grow into them.

As soon as those new shoes went on, I became a super athlete / ninja. "Mom! Look how high I can jump!" "Mom, watch this!" I'd do some karate kicks towards my sister. "Mom, watch how fast I am," as I'd zip across the store. I hit a full sprint, tripped, and knocked myself out.

"At that point I felt obligated to buy the shoes," my mom told me. "The man was really worried because you were starting to turn blue, but I told him it happened all the time. He went and put your body in the car while I wrote the check."

"...I was so proud of you for not wetting yourself that time."

I had quite the streak going in that respect. It lasted for almost twenty years, until I discovered the thing called... "drinking liquor."