Last night as my sister and I drove to go out in Arlington, we passed two locations which brought back the memory of the worst date I have ever had.   

The summer after my first year of college, I had been hanging out with my friend Donny and met one of his really hot friends, Andrea.  She was a sorority girl from the University of Florida and was basically perfect.  Teeth like chicklets and a body that wouldn’t stop.  Magically, she was somehow into me and said yes when I asked her out.  She should have just run away screaming when she had the chance.

We decided to meet for drinks at this bar in Arlington called the CarPool.  I had a good idea where it was, so I didn’t write down directions.  An hour and a half later I was still trying to find the fucking place, lost in the Pentagon parking lot and the maze of one way streets that comprise Arlington.  When I got there I was sweaty from being so stressed out, and some dude had already bought her like 3 drinks and gotten her number.

After apologizing profusely I began to drink.  After all, I had some catching up to do.  I slammed some shots while she was in the bathroom and then started ordering beer after beer after beer.  Before I knew it, I was wasted and bragging about myself.  She decided to a call it a night, and as I was walked her to her car I threw up.  She goes, “You’ve got to be kidding.”  The fun didn’t end there.

She deemed me too drunk to drive home, and put me in her car and took me to IHOP so I could eat something and sober up.  I don’t really remember what we talked about, but eventually we drove back to the other parking lot where my car was.  When we came to a stop I leaned over and tried to kiss her.  I have no idea what made me think this was a good idea, especially since I had recently vomited.  She turned her head and said, “noooooo” and started giggling.  Once she stopped, I asked “….Why not?” 

Never, never ask that question. 

I got out of the car and made it home in one piece.  To my surprise, she called me the next day.  I answered and said, “Andrea?  Holy shit, I never thought you’d call me again.” 

“Yeah, well, you left your wallet in my car.”

I had to drive over to her place and look her in the eye and ask for my wallet back.  Donny called the next day.  “Dude, what happened last night!?  She wouldn't even tell me.”