Exposure: 10
Cost: 7
Quality: 8

Browsing for chicks on Match.com is a lot like being in a second hand furniture store. Most of the best looking stuff is there because it has been worn, mistreated, or can't get a date because it has three kids and its vagina resembles a whoopie cushion. It's kind of fun to see if you can find the best "bargain," if you will, by checking all the furniture for the emotional nicks and scratches that put it in the second hand store in the first place. Kid, divorced, or the dreaded "Questionmark" - you won't know why they're single until you meet them, at which point it becomes abundantly clear. The final similarity between Match and a used furniture store - you'll be embarrassed as hell if your friends catch you there.

I would consider Match.com the bread and butter of online dating. For men it begins with the most natural first step: stalking. If you set up a very brief, anonymous profile, the gatekeepers that be allow you access to the millions of desperate women comprising Match.com. To really take advantage of it you'll have to make a detailed account with pictures so as to reveal yourself to the world, but we'll get there.

One of my favorite things to do is send a bunch of messages and winks (the laziest thing you can possibly do with internet dating) on Friday and Saturday nights before I go drinking. Then, when I come home, I check the nets and see what I caught. If anyone bit, I immediately know I have a shot because their obvious options are either 1) hang out with me, or 2) keep spending Friday and Saturday nights at home on the internet. ...They should be calling any day now.

Let me share a couple of gems with you: (read the heading)

Well Sharon, it looks to me like God already blessed you in two magnificent ways off the top of my head. He'll probably send the man when he doesn't think, from your picture, that you'll skip straight to sucking the Satan out of him.

This next beaut' was something I received after ONLY sending a wink at a girl on Match.

Wanted: 1) Love 2) Citizenship

So that should give you the caliber we're dealing with here. And, that little taste will have to last you till tomorrow.