Baker's reaction to me telling him I was browsing for women on his roommate's laptop was pretty typical. "Hahahah, that's so gay. Let me see." While it may not be socially mainstream (yet), it is undenyably intriguing. This was the next night after meeting Salad Tongs and the Match girl, which was about a month ago.

Baker had a quick surf about the site, and was shocked that, "Everyone looks so normal." This is true. But so do most sociopaths. I went downtown with my other set of friends, Tim and Jared that night, to a more upscale bar. After having a few drinks and trying not to look as creepy as three guys always do, I rounded a corner and almost ran directly into Wolfeyes.

Wolfeyes is the smoking hot, type of girl that you see on Match.com (of which there are about... 2) where you wonder why on God's green earth she's dating online. Perfect teeth, slanty, sexual wolf eyes, and a very delicious rack. So we were having one of those awkward moments which end by someone saying, "Ok you go right and I'll go left" to get past each other. It was actually a lot more awkward than she knew, because I was frozen while her likes, dislikes, turn-ons, and particularly the picture in her profile where she was a Cowboy's cheerleader for Halloween were scrolling through my head at Mach 3. Awkward moment #1.

She refused to make eye contact with me. I mean I understand that most women look at me in periphery, much like the sun, to not absorb the full radiance of my good looks, but this one was avoiding eye contact for another reason.

She was embarrassed because her whore friend was about to hustle us for shots.

The ringleader of the pack walked up to our friend Tim.

"Hey, you want to do shots?"

Jared and I were shocked. So was Tim. The girl asked who else wanted shots, and ordered them. After the shots they kind of moved a little down the bar and we started talking about how awesome that was. I walked up to the ringleader and Wolfeyes. "Hey, thanks for the shot, that was awesome. I'm Perry" The ringleader had a very blank look on her face and turned towards Wolfeyes. They just looked at each other.

And kept looking at each other.

That's when it dawned on me that they had expected Tim to pick up the tab, but he was just as oblivious as I was. This was now a verrrrry long silence.

Awkward Moment #2.

It was hard not to crack a smile because their little Tequila Shanghai had completely backfired, and I can't fucking stand when they do it. So basically, there was about a zero percent chance of getting a warm reception from Wolfeyes that night. So, I did the next best thing. Once I got nice and drunk, I had Jared stand in front of her and took a picture of her to put up on the site. After three or four unsuccessful tries I just walked up to her and snapped a picture.

Awkward Moment #3.

Unfortunately, she had closed her profile on Match so I can't compare the two on here. But, I had seen two girls in real life that had been dating online, and there was renewed hope in the system. It was this night that I actually paid for and got a full account on all the sites and flung myself into the bottomless pit of despair, internet dating. By Sunday night, I had two dates set up.

The first, with a woman 7 years my senior.